you know those people who do the big things for God?  the people on stage at your church.  the author of that book that changed your life.  the coach that showed you what it means to serve God on the field.  that band you love that's reaching a secular market for Christ. 

why not you?  why not me?  i'm not asking why we don't have book deals or record contracts or followings of thousands.  i'm asking why we sit back and admire the big things God is doing through the lives of other people and then never consider how God might do such big things through us.

why are we content to be spectators?  why are we content to assume there is something in the hearts of those 'heroes' that God forgot to place in us?  i'm not saying we should all quickly change our plans and attend seminary right this instant.  i'm just wondering why we settle for living vicariously through those around us and in front of us who are making a difference with Jesus in this world when we could be living that adventure ourselves.

consider it this way: satan is having his way with our world.  he has been for thousands of years.  if we could just see people's hearts as clearly as we see their bodies, we would probably get sick from the carnage that surrounds us at every moment.  at work, at school, in our homes and even in our churches, there are broken lives and hearts that are half-dead. 

and God, seeing all of that, has decided to fix it.  he sends his son so that we can be redeemed.  and once we are redeemed, he equips us to join the battle, to try to recover as many losses as possible, to try to minimize the casualties all around us, to help clean up this mess.

now, freeze the picture right there.  if you look closely, you'll see lots and lots and lots of redeemed ones, the ones who have been picked up off the battlefield and healed, watching the wreckage from the sidelines.  sure, some of them are cheering on the few who are fighting back.  but some are just watching.  some aren't even paying attention.  with people bleeding and dying all around, this begs the question, "why isn't everyone fighting?!"  i guess there are two possible answers.

the first possibility is that some of the redeemed ones haven't been given the proper equipment to join the fight.  maybe their general forgot to give them armor, or weapons, or training.  maybe they're out of the loop, unable to receive commands. 

or maybe they're just plain unaware that they have a role to play, too.

now i have a hunch that God, who has unlimited resources (ephesians 3), hasn't failed to give the proper supplies.  do we honestly believe that our hearts have been left deficient?  are we really going to sit back thinking that God would say to one of us, "um, i know there are lots of people dying out there and all, but you know... i think i'm gonna hold off on giving you a rifle because i just don't know if i have enough to go around.  i'm just gonna equip a few of my best soldiers to go out there and do the dirty work, and you just sit back here and watch,"?!

so maybe we've been lied to for quite a long time.  we've been taught to let the pros handle the ministry, or the fighting, while we act like we're in peace time.  we spend most of our energy making sure our uniform looks just right.  and if we look like a proper soldier, all is well.

so we try to look like christians.  we don't swear.  we don't drink or smoke.  we spend our time with other christians and turn our faith into one big self-improvement project.  we forget about the war from which we've been saved.

all i'm saying friends, is this.  let's not let more time go by waiting for the professional christians to save the world.  please!!! everyone one of us will find ourselves in a thousand situations where WE are the ones who must help a dying person.  satan will continue to have his victories right under our noses while we polish our combat boots, looking out on the battlefield thinking, "man, i sure am glad those guys are fighting."

i'm not saying go work for a church.  i'm not saying go on more missions trips.  i'm saying that, wherever you are, right this moment, undoubtedly there are people who need your help.  don't worry so much about the shine on your shoes.  get some blood on them while you join the fight that's raging all around you.  please.

so more on these curveballs life has thrown my way... (despite popular belief, all this talk about curveballs has nothing to do with my recent diversions into the world of baseball fanhood).  at first, it seemed to me that all of these surprises were enhancing my life with God.  thanks to all of these trials, i've been praying more than ever and even reading my bible more, looking for some clue on how to navigate through all the murky water around me. 

however, i realized recently that all this extra time with God wasn't neccesarily anything great.  it's all been so full of requests and needs.  it's like God and i talk all the time, but it's all business.  he and i have been coworkers with no affinitiy for each other, just trying to get the job done.  well, he's not the problem, obviously, but that's how i've treated it... like we're coworkers, not friends. 

i realized a while ago that i hadn't spent any recent time just being with God, just enjoying him and (hopefully) allowing him to enjoy me.  without that adoration, what do i have?  a genie?  or worse yet, maybe an idol in the name of God?  now hold on, friends.  some of you read that and thought, "phew, i'm off the hook.  i don't think of God as a genie.  i don't use him just to ask for money and friends and a good job.  i really seek after him."  here's the thing... is it possible that even those 'spiritual' things we look for are wrong to seek for their own sakes?  i think satan's even better than we give him credit for.  he's figured out we won't be fooled by outright rebellion.  we can see the error in sleeping around and getting trashed tonight after wednesday night bible study.  we can even see the error in just using God for worldly gain.  but can we see the error in using God for 'spiritual gain', for getting so concerned with answers and feeling his Spirit that we forget to just be concerned with him?  so i resolved to put all of my pressing concerns on the back burner so i could just BE with God.

and then it happened.  it's ironic, really.  all of the guidance, all of the rescue that i was asking God for...it all came when i stopped asking for it and just started taking time to be with God, without an agenda.  i started seeing things clearly that had seemed foggy.  the peace i had been looking for came back to my heart for the first time i can remember.  and on top of all of that, i feel God with me in a whole new way. 

so what have i been looking for in my prayers, in my bible reading, in my worship all along?  maybe all the wrong things.  i've been looking for answers and a full heart and guidance and power instead of just looking for God.  but not anymore.  from here on out, God help me, i'm gonna look for God and go wherever that takes me and let the answers and full heart and guidance and power come when they may. 

you know that feeling when you open your bible to read and get frustrated because it doesn't seem like what you're reading could possibly ever help you with where you're at right now?  that's just the thing... i think that what we really need from God -- his clear presence with us and his power in us and his guidance for us -- can't ever be had by seeking it.  rich mullins said the bible doesn't exist so we can know things.  it exists so we can know God.  there are things in this world that were never meant to be had by being sought.  wealth was never meant to be had by being sought.  good sex was never meant to be had by being sought.  wealth should come (if it comes) as a pleasent byproduct of doing what God made you to do and doing it well.  good sex should come as a pleasent byproduct of a great marriage.  God never meant for us to treat him like a cosmic vending machine, there to give us direction and power and warm fuzzy feelings.  all of those little goodies that come into our lives because of our relationship with God... they're NOT THE POINT!!!  God is the point, and i miss the point so freaking often. 

i'm gonna start asking myself one question on a regular basis: "does God miss me lately?".  forget about "man, i'm really struggling with this sin so i need to get closer to God."  no more "i feel so empty and distant from God so it's time to get it right again."  how does God feel when the only reasons i have for seeking him are the byproducts i'm looking for?  i wonder if God's heart hurts when i choose the simpsons instead of a half hour walk with him around campus, or when i choose an extra few hours with friends whom i've been with all week over spending just one good hour with him.  i hate the feeling i get when a close friend, someone who really means a lot to me, chooses entertainment or wasting time over being with me.  it's not that they're in the wrong for it.  it's just that i miss them.  i think God misses me on a regular basis. 

and the joy of it is that this makes everything so much easier.  i don't know a lot of genies, so i'm not very sure on how to maintain a relationship with one.  it gets awfully confusing really quickly.  however, i do have a few friends -- people i love to be with, and people who love to be with me -- and i at least have some idea of how that kind of relationship works.  granted, God is more than just friend.  he's judge and creator and all of those other scary old testament words.  but before everything got screwed up way back with adam and eve, i have a feeling the whole point was friendship, yea? 

i'm no longer calling you servants... no, i've named you friends...
Jesus in John 15
        

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alright friends... i'm trying this again.

so life has thrown me a few curveballs lately.  not all bad, not all good, none of it expected.  in the midst of it all, psalm 23 has meant a lot to me.  it definitely falls into the category of parts of the bible that get quoted so much it seems like it's hard to connect with them.  however, it caught me the other day, and i might as well tell you about it.

the whole thing's cool... sure, but there are two things that have hit me lately.  the first is how it talks about God being right beside me.  right beside me.  wow.  can you feel that?  right beside you.  alone, broken, hopeless, lost, confused, hurting, with God right beside you.  in the midst of everything that's happened in the past few months, the thing i've needed more than anything is people beside me -- close friends who may not do much but sit with me -- to walk through the valley of the shadow of death with me.  thanks, friends like nick (aka HUGE).

so, God right beside me.  it gets even bigger if you take even a second to think about how big our God is.  (check out isaiah 40 and let God blow your mind). 

and then it talks about living in the house of God forever.  growing up i always struggled to really get excited about heaven.  the picture was always painted in pretty drab colors and it sounded like attending my grandparents' church indefinitely.  no thanks.  i like life too much.  i live for good friends and good music and even hard work (sometimes).  but jesus said the kingdom of heaven is coming and in fact is already here.  and what did he talk about when he described heaven?  love and peace, a place where every heart is treated right.  i have had these moments in life, here and there, where my heart has felt entirely full to the point of bursting.  i have a feeling that's the real picture of heaven.  it's a place where we all live in love in such a perfect way that every heart feels that full all of the time, and psalm 23 talks about living in that place forever and ever and ever.  that's pretty freakin cool.

Psalm 23
God, my shepherd!
i don't need a thing
you have bedded me down in lush meadows
you find me quiet pools to drink from.

True to your word,
you let me catch my breath
and send me in the right direction.

Even when the way goes through death valley
i'm not afraid
when you walk at my side
your trusty shepherd's crook
makes me feel secure.

you serve me a six course dinner
right in front of my enemies
you revive my drooping head
my cup brims with blessing.

Your beauty and love chase after me
every day of my life
i'm back home in the house of God
for the rest of my life.